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We’re Joking: Mynderse Maggots

Last updated on April 22, 2021

September 2019

Change the mascot.

   This may sound like an unreasonably bold move. But, this actually is a very prudent decision, as I will reveal in time. 

   What would we change our mascot TO? Fear not, for I have a solution. I present to you – the Mynderse Academy Maggots. You may scoff at this suggestion. Maggots? Really? However, a deeper look into the subtleties of this animal will show it is the perfect choice.

Editorial illustration by Isabel W.

   First off is a simple linguistic point. “Mynderse Maggots” has some sublime alliteration, simply rolling off of the tongue. 

   Second, it is absolutely a unique mascot. How many schools are there with maggots as there mascots? We would be the only one. 

   Third, the title is in perfect keeping with the self-deprecating humor so popular in our generation. It would also allow us to sandbag hard at athletic events. Other teams wouldn’t expect the Maggots to be a fearsome team, so they will be utterly crushed when we defeat them. After all, maggots are decomposers and are bound to consume the “Panthers” or the “Golden Eagles” after they die. 

   Finally, maggots and flies are truly what keeps the world turning. They pollinate our plants, such as cocoa, and surely anyone who has passed middle school science courses knows the general usefulness of decomposers. Why would you not want to be associated with one of the most important creatures on the planet? I implore you to consider this modest proposal. 

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